Why do we celebrate babies but often overlook the people growing them?

Do we value the pregnant person as much as we value the baby they are creating? When we hear of someone’s pregnancy, we turn our attention to the baby shower, the due date, and how it will affect us. There were times in history during which those carrying new life were revered. We now often talk about pregnancy as if it's an inconvenience to be managed — as if the beginning and ending of life are not the most powerful and transformative experiences we undergo as human beings. Growing a human life and giving birth are, in and of themselves, experiences worthy of our attention. Pregnancy is a powerful biological process that impacts not only the nine months, but ripples through the rest of our lives.

We search for meaning throughout our lives, usually external from ourselves. Who am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose? We look for this in our careers, in religion, in politics, in outward achievement. However, we so frequently look past the meaning we have at our fingertips.

 Love and connection with other people are where we most often create meaning. Where do we see this more clearly than in pregnancy and childbirth? Every person who has ever lived began inside another human being.

 Because pregnancy is natural and because babies are born every day, it is often viewed as ordinary. But pregnancy is not ordinary, pregnancy is creation.

 I think we have reached a stage of technological advancement where we look at nature and no longer recognize the incredible complexity within it.  We take the intricate interplay of nervous systems, hormones, the brain, and the body for granted. We do not see that birth is still a miracle. It is not magic — it is natural — but that expression of nature is miraculous. The work of that miracle is done by the person carrying the child.

We tell pregnant people not to expect special consideration. We tell them “this is just what everyone else does.” I’ve even heard people say, “every idiot can have a baby.” Aside from the inherent cruelty in that statement, why would capacity take away from specialness?

If we live by that philosophy, since most of humanity has the ability to run, earning a gold medal in the Olympics should not be treated as anything extraordinary. Every idiot can run.

Common experiences can still hold profound significance.

Instead of treating pregnancy as a time where we deserve extra care, we praise the pregnant person for "carrying on as normal." We treat pregnancy as a private choice with private consequences. Sometimes, we even treat a person’s pregnancy as a problem that got in our way.

But I've never been able to see it like that. How can this be private consequences when the pregnant person is someone’s friend, loved one, or colleague? When the child being born will eventually be our neighbor, our friend, a teacher, a doctor, the president.

 If we care about that child that is to come, why do we not care about the person birthing now who once was that child? Do they cease to deserve our attention and care once they are no longer a baby with potential, but an adult living in that potential?

 The pregnant person is already an existing, breathing human being who is undergoing a profound and life-changing experience. If we truly do care about the child to come, that care cannot start and end at simply ensuring that they are born.

 I have also heard people say, “I’m not the one who chose to have a baby.” While this may be true, that perspective has never made sense to me. We do not need to view this in extremes. We can choose to see that being a part of a group inherently carries responsibility, while not owning full responsibility for everything.

 We seem to have almost become disconnected from the fact that humanity ceases to exist without pregnancy and birth, and that in order for that process to continue, people need to continue to and desire to become pregnant. If we all depend on pregnancy for our existence, why do we so often act as though caring well for pregnant people is optional?

 Does this mean we need to treat pregnant people like glass statues that we admire from afar? Of course not. That is not good for the health of the pregnant person or the baby. But we do need to recognize that this is a different stage of life with different needs.

 There will be days when a pregnant person is exhausted, vomiting, or dealing with sciatic pain that makes it impossible to find a comfortable position. There are serious medical conditions that lead to special circumstances that require accommodations, but even non-life-threatening physical symptoms should be taken into account. Pregnancy is not a disability, and having consideration for the needs of the pregnant person shouldn’t require it to be treated as such.

 A person who is pregnant is not only experiencing physical symptoms. They are entering a time that is often emotionally challenging as well. They are filled with awe that they are growing a life. They are often frightened about their health, the health of their child, the labor, the delivery, and the early days of parenting.

 Many of us have experienced feeling alone with these worries, not knowing who we can safely share with, not knowing if we will be heard or rejected. You lay awake at night unable to sleep, spiraling down a rabbit hole of questions.

 As soon as you become pregnant, your identity, view of yourself, and your future changes. You once held a vision of who you were, but that picture expands to include who you will become in relation to that child. All of this forms an incredibly joyful yet difficult web of emotions, decisions, and experiences you must navigate.

 This transition continues through the labor, birth and early postpartum recovery period. The emotional, hormonal, physical weight of all of this is constant, something the pregnant person cannot just walk away from or shut down.

 Having consideration for all of this does not mean separating pregnant people from daily life — far from it. It means folding them further into life through support, consideration, and love for them as an individual.

 I’ve seen pregnant people called “whiny” or “ungrateful” for voicing complaints. What if instead we offered a compassionate ear without judgement or unwanted advice? What if instead of watching a co-worker struggling, we step in to help? Maybe we aren’t hearing the struggles, but we can preemptively bring a loved one their favorite snack just because. This all costs us very little, but can have a huge impact on that person as well as our relationships.

 Pregnancy and the early stages of parenting do not last forever. In the context of our life span, it is just a snippet of time. Human life is full of ups and downs — moments when we need to lean on one another, and moments when we can be the rock to hold others up.

 We can ask ourselves: are we offering the people around us the same compassion and care we hope to receive when we need it most? How can we be the rising tide that lifts all ships?

When we look around us, we can choose how we treat those within our sphere. Every pregnant person is someone’s child, someone’s friend, someone whose experience matters right now. They matter not only because of the life they are growing, but because of the life they are already living.

Yes, children are the future, but the person creating that future is here, now.